A club or party is a great place to go dancing. It’s usually filled with awesome energy from people socializing and generally just having a really fun time. Over the years I’ve been to a number of social gatherings and thought that I would share some of the people that I have met on the dance floor. Chances are you’ve probably met a few of these individuals yourself. If not, then they’re probably somewhere in your future of rug cutting.

The 1 Trick Pony

Skill level (1-10): 3-5

Has only one set or move

Additional Notes: Usually has friends with them for moral support that cheer excessively

This guy/gal is probably one of the most common types that I’ve seen over the years. Say there’s a cypher going on in the middle of party. People are going back and forth getting down. S*** is getting hype! Then some guy jumps in and does a “moonwalk” (backslide) and all his friends cheer him on like he’s Michael Jackson himself. He mysteriously disappears afterwards into the shadows of the night, never to be seen again.

You have just been pony’d. The 1 trick pony is named by the 1 and only trick or set that they know how to do. Maybe they learned it from a friend, dance class or music video, but once they do their trick, that’s it. Just like a cheap date, they are one and done. They have got nothing else. The most common single tricks that I tend to see are a windmill, backslide, bad popping routine, OR a routine that they learned in a choreo class and the particular song just happens to be playing. I’ve never really had a problem with these guys and they can even be fun people. It only becomes a pet peeve when they jump in like they’re better than everyone else and then leave right after into their group of friends.

“My windmills can’t be beat!”

Drunk Jerk

Skill level (1-10): 0-1

All douche, zero skill

Additional Notes: Alcoholikus Douchemaximus

Jerk bender supreme. These are the people who are usually drunk and get mad at ANYONE doing more than a two step on the dance floor. They sometimes stumble into cyphers doing a horrible imitation of the people getting down (often moving like Gollum from Lord of the Rings) and slurring “Why you guys dancin tho much?! Stupids!” They’re too drunk to know what they’re doing and after they’ve said their piece, they’ll retreat into their own creepy corners shortly afterwards. Either that or their friends will pull them out before said friend gets into too much trouble. Unless they’re all douches.

Pictured: Not a douche

The Bully

Skill level (1-10): 5-6

Skilled in the movement, not in the art

Additional Notes: if there was a word or phrase to describe these dancers, it would be “overcompensation”

You and your friends are having fun groovin to the music when all of a sudden, somebody jumps between all of you and starts dancing real hard, REAL close to you. They look like they know what they’re doing in terms of dance but they seem about as friendly as those zombie dogs in the movies. As you go to the bar to grab a drink, you see that same person jump into another group doing the same thing again; throwing his skills around like he’s got his pants down.

Skill levels can range from ok to pretty good. Their goal is to show everybody else how superior they are in dance. These guys could be the BFF’s of the drunk jerks because like attracts like; or in this case fool attracts idiot. They enjoy taking the fun away from people and like to flaunt the fact that they have a grasp of what they’re doing. Most people usually just walk away and find some other place to get down whenever these guys show up. These guys probably never got many hugs as kids.

They probably don’t believe in Santa Clause either.

The REAL deal

Skill level (1-10): Over 9000

“You may not understand now, but you’ll see soon enough.”

Additional Notes: none

These are the super heroes of the dance world. They can be anybody and you probably won’t even notice them at first glance. You can usually find them (or not notice them) just bobbing their head to the music or having a good time with some friends. You probably won’t really know how crazy they are until one of two things happens:

–       Their favorite song comes on

–       Some douche tries to bully them or their friends not knowing the can of unholy hell worms they have just opened

The real deal will usually proceed to murder the current song playing while making it seem effortless and fun. If some jerkwad had tried to bully them previously, thinking they had no skill, they will be utterly embarrassed and attempt to save face by trying to be their friend or just slinking back to the sewers they crawled out from. The point is these are the people who should never be trifled with and if you are one of the previously mentioned bullies, you had probably check yourself, before THEY wreck yourself; Over and Over and Over again. They’re not out to prove anything to anybody and just want to have a good time like anybody else, but the moment someone disrupts that peace, pray you aren’t that person. 

“Some motherf*****s are always trying to ice-skate uphill.”